Children who experience anxiety about returning to school can successfully hope with the emotional support of parents and teachers.  Some of the manifestations of school anxiety are: clinging to the parents; stalling during the morning-time routine (delaying breakfast, getting dressed, etc.); difficulty with sleeping; frequent crying or irritability; complains about teachers, classmates or the school environment; toilet accidents for younger children; physical pains that are not caused by a known illness; and outward reluctance to attend school. 

Supporting our children for a new academic year starts with accepting that their emotions and their need for help are valid.  What may seem like minor stress to us adults, can be a major stress to children: starting new relationships with peers and teachers, feeling out of their physical comfort zone in a new classroom or new school, adapting to new routines/schedules, higher academic expectations, less time for family and recreation compared to the summer break. 

Although all children experience this stress, the time and support that they need for coping with this transition varies widely. Some children cope within a couple of weeks with little support; while others experience school anxiety for over a month and ask for help either with words or with challenging behaviors.

I summarize here my recommendations for parents to respond to young children with school anxiety:

  • Encouraging the child to express emotions (even those irrational ones) and empathizing, while expressing hope that this difficulty will pass.
  • Becoming familiar with the physical school environment by playing in the school playgroup in advance during the summer, and attending the open houses in the classroom or group play dates that PTAs may organize.
  • Building relationships by having one-on-one play dates with classmates during summer/weekends, and getting to know the teachers as soon as they are available.
  • Practicing relaxing activities together to lower the overall anxiety; such as children’s yoga, meditation, dancing, outdoor walks, pretend-spa at home and any type of exercise. Notice that all of these suggestions are enjoyable to the child and do not include the stress of competitive sports. 
  • Allowing the child to choose options for daily routines that are less scary, only for the first couple of weeks while they are adjusting.  For example, perhaps getting to school by car is less scary than riding the school bus.
  • Using farewell rituals and comforting objects; such as creating a special hug/kiss/hand shake to use at every good-bye, and taking a small stuffed animal or family photo in the back pack.
  • Role-modeling the desired behaviors of being supportive, trying to be brave when scared, and being open to new experiences and people.
  • Rewarding the desired behaviors in the child with praise and small celebrations!

May all children be surrounded by love and support!

A Note on Separation Anxiety

School anxiety can rise to the level of Separation Anxiety Disorder only for some children, when the intensity of their feelings/behaviors continues increasing over time and has ripple effects in other areas of social-emotional functioning: lack of interest in relationships outside of the family, low self-confidence, irrational worries about danger to family members, diminished sense of belonging to a peer group, not participating in extra-curricular activities and school-related social events.   Repeated struggles with separation anxiety can add up for the parents to increased stress, loss of sleep, interference with work time, conflict in the parent-child relationship, a sense of powerlessness and hopelessness that feed further into the child’s anxiety.

Many families have overcome these challenges with the support of therapists, school counselors and child mental health consultants.