Children of divorced/separated parents can experience emotional and behavioral difficulties during the holidays season, as it reminds them of the cultural expectation of being “happily together as a family.” Whether the divorce/separation was recent or a few years ago, feelings about the parents’ separation can re-surface, either because they were not resolved before, or because the child is in a new developmental stage that brings up new questions or expectations.
The following tips are for divorced parents of children ages 3-10, thought they can be modified for older ages. These tips can also be applied to other important family events that stir up cultural expectations and feelings, such as weddings, graduations, celebrations of accomplishments, and even birthdays.
They are based on the “WAC” model I created (©Diana Bermudez, 2025) for my psychotherapy and presentations for divorced families. In the process of adjusting to parents’ separation, children cycle through experiences of Why?, Acceptance and Connection. Parents can support children in navigating these experiences as opportunities for developing new coping skills and emotional wellness.
When children are trying to make sense of why their parents separated/divorced, feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, blame, embarrassment, etc. typically underlie challenging behaviors; such as clinginess, distancing, mood swings, and avoiding events or interactions.
Parent Tips for Why?:
- Explain or revisit the reasons for divorce, and custody arrangement for the holidays.
- Empathize with ALL feelings, with patience and without rushing/fixing the child’s feelings.
- Set limits for negative behaviors and incentives for positive behaviors.
- Keep predictable routines and announce changes in advance.
When children begin to accept the current reality of having 2 homes and the custody arrangement, they are more able to enjoy holiday events (and life in general!), while tolerating and coping with feelings.
Parent Tips for Acceptance:
- Role-model acceptance of the circumstances.
- Plan shared events with both parents, when possible.
- If applicable, introduce concept of blended families and new members EARLY (months before the holidays).
- Read children’s books and watch films that depict divorce positively, in order to validate how common divorce is. Scroll down for book and film recommendations!
Children experience stronger emotional wellbeing when they feel connected to both parents, both sides of their extended family, and with peers in similar circumstances.
Parent Tips for Connection:
- Connect with your child when apart (Ex: cards, photos, calls, songs, rituals).
- Socialize with other divorced families and support groups.
- Foster relationships with new family members (for blended families).
- Psychotherapy or parent coaching for additional support.
We invite you to visit our…
Recommended Children’s Books about Divorce and Parent-Child Connection
(In order from 3 to 10 years old)
Recommended Children’s Films
that Depict Divorce in Positive Light
